Painless

I realize that this is slightly unlike me, but I can't help it. After sitting here in my comfortably air-conditioned office looking at hundreds of pictures all day yesterday and today, I have to do something.

Please, if you're able to donate, click on the button below to give to the Red Cross to help the efforts in the Gulf Coast. In case you're not aware, the Federal Emergency Management Agency is referring to the damage done by Hurricane Katrina as the "worst natural disaster in US history." After flying over the wreckage, the governor of Mississippi said that he can only imagine that this is what Hiroshima looked like after the bomb was dropped. It's that bad. Seriously. Over 500,000 people have been displaced from their homes and jobs, perhaps permanently.

Thank you.

From Desperate Times Come Radical Minds

The Christian Wrong

Yesterday I was reading the news online, and I saw an article about the gratingly outspoken televangelist and past presidential hopeful Pat Robertson. What a cock.

This past Monday, on his crap-ass talk show "The 700 Club," he suggested that the US should assasinate Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela. This is what he actually said: "If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it." He was referring to a recent statement where Chavez mentioned that he thinks the US wants to assasinate him. Robertson went further saying that taking him out would be cheaper than a war.

You know why there's any talk of war with Venezuela, period? Oil. Most of the oil that is refined into gasoline for you to pump into your cars at the rate of as much as $2.60 a gallon comes from Venezuela. Yeah, you read that right, most of our oil DOES NOT COME FROM IRAQ. Yet, we now know that the real reasons behind the current quagmire there has something to do with oil. Doesn't make any sense, does it?

Anyway, back to Robertson. The man's a pastor, an f'ing Christian zealot in the flesh. Why is it that the most popular Christian zealots are also the ones who bend the laws of the bible to their needs?

Today he came out and publicly apologized on his website about the statement. The only reason he's apologizing is because it went beyond his normal one million-strong viewership. He became a fool on an international level for that one.

Also, interestingly, it's the Venezuelan government that is pointing out the obvious here. They believe that Robertson should be prosecuted under the Patriot Act as a threat to Homeland Security. Their damned right he should.

King of Hearts

Last night, I was invited to join a couple of friends to go to a euchre tournament. Apparently, it goes on at the same place every Tuesday. I had no idea what to expect.

It was a little dive bar in Warren (MI) called Victory Inn. It costs us $7 to enter the tournament. There were about 21 or 22 people total.

I know how to play euchre. I know that it's one of those games where people get set in their ways. I also know that people can get worked up about it. I hate those people. Fuck 'em. If I want to lead with the right bower then I'll fucking do it, alright?!?

Entering a tournatment like this is NOT something that I recommend to others. To me, euchre is one of those games that should stay fun. It's something you play when you're drunk and hanging with friends. Not something to get all worked up about. It should be friendly, fun competition, not bitchy and mean.

The American Dream (I Did It My Way)

So, as some of you may have noticed, I've been making flyers for myself and for some other people for the past year or so. I admit, some of them were pretty bad. Some were not safe for work, some were too much, and some were just right. I've had a lot of fun doing it, and the whole point of it for me was to learn how to use Photoshop the hard way. I'm better with 'hands-on' when it comes to learning.

So I've been working with the graphic design stuff more than ever lately, slowly figuring it all out. I just recently started doing some freelance design work, and its all part of my grand scheme of things. I am very slowly building a small business from the ground up. If anyone is interested in me doing any kind of graphics work for them, I'm cheap! If you click the Isolation Design logo below, it will take you to my portfolio so far (link launches in a separate window). If you're interested, my email address is over there to the right. Thank you.

Creating a Brand Identity

Uptown Again

Let me tell you a story.

This past Friday morning, I was in the shower, and my roommate yelled something to me. It sounded like "hey, Jeff, your car's up on blocks!" I assumed that I mis-heard him, and decided to just finish what I was doing, then come out and ask him to repeat. No, I heard him right. The rotors of my front disc brakes and the drums of my rear brakes each had two bricks holding them (and the car) up off the ground. Nice.

My first reaction was to call work and tell them I wasn't going to make it in to work. Second reaction was to call State Farm and find out what my deductible is. Third reaction, file a police report. One and two were quite simple. Three became the most difficult thing all day.

Detroit has a non-emergency phone number. It's 311. If you're calling from a cell phone its a different number, I can't remember it right now. So, I call the front desk at the 13th Precinct, they tell me the cellphone version of the 311 number. I call, and sit on hold for over a half hour before the system boots me off. It hangs up on me. Then I tried again and waited for about forty minutes before it hung up on me. So then I tried calling 911, and they told me to call 311. I called Wayne State Police, and after giving the dispatcher all of my info, she realizes that she has no car available to send out to me. She told me to call 311. Then, this is the best, I was out in the street with Aaron messing around with the replacement wheels, and a cop drives by in an SUV. We flagged him down and he came back. He sat there and called in to have a cruiser sent out to me to take a report. I was there at the same address at home from the time he drove away, until I went to bed at 10:30pm that night. No police car came to the house. Obviously, the city of Detroit, the Detroit Police Department, and Wayne State Police do not want people to file reports of non-violent/non-emergency crimes. I don't think I'm going to file a claim and risk my premium shooting up, but what if I needed to? What if my whole car had been stolen?

This city is getting worse before its getting better. Seriously, from when I moved here in 1997 til now it seems like there's been so many good developments. New mixed-income housing, new businesses, new undergrad dorms at Wayne State, and a general renewed interest in a serious renaissance. But the city has to go along with it. People throw fits and complain about the high cost of car insurance in the city. Well, maybe if you take a look outside when you hear strange noises and maybe call the cops more often, the crime will go down, and insurance rates will drop with it. Maybe, I don't know anymore. You wonder why city taxes are so high? Well, so do I! Why is this city laying off emergency personnel? Why did Detroit's population go down by 10,000 people in the past few years? No one can afford to live here. No one can afford to have cars stolen, wheels stolen, they can't afford to get violently mugged (two old roommates were mugged elsewhere in town the same night my tires/wheels were stolen). Who can afford to replace broken windows and stolen personal property? Who can afford to have their homes burglarized? Why do we stay in this city? I love it here, but I almost think its time to leave for awhile and support it from afar.

My Head Exploded

...it exploded right after I saw this...

Money Don't Get Me Down, But I Can't Make It Last

THE GOOD

• Oslo - Downtown Detroit's only sushi bar has been open for just over a year and is known for inconsistent food quality. However, I was down there on Friday with some friends, and the sushi was excellent. We even converted someone into a sushi lover. More info available online here.
• American Spirit Cigarettes - After years and years of going back and forth between Camel Lights, Parliament Lights, and American Spirits, it finally happened. I've turned into one of those smokers who only wants to smoke American Spirits. This doesn't mean that if I'm broke and someone offers me a Kool I won't take it. A cigarette's a cigarette, after all. As long as the nicotine is quickly delivered to my lungs, I'm happy, but if I'm payin' for it, I want American Spirit yellows (lights) or greens (mediums).
• Star of India - Attentive service, tasty dishes, jasmine basmati rice, pickled radish relish for samosa, and pink linen table cloths. One of my favorite Indian restaurants in the Detroit area. Located in Ferndale on 9 Mile just west of Woodward. Low-fi menu listing located here.
• Northern Lights Lounge - located on West Baltimore in Detroit's New Center area (between Second and Third). I think this was briefly (or for a long time up until recently?) called the Tandem Lounge. Either way, if you're familiar with Greg Visee (aka Kegger), this is his bar. Greg's past projects include Detroit's Motor Lounge, Corner Productions, and 313.Detroit, a Detroit-centric internet radio station. The place looks like something you would've referred to as a martini bar five years ago. But it doesn't feel that way. Its dark, which I like, and the light fixtures and furniture are all of a tasteful yet not cheesy Modern style. DJ Topcat was spinning (unfortunately not like a whirling dervish, that would've been better), which was good, the bartender was friendly with just enough attitude to make you want her, prices were decent, and they have one of those weird long table-top curling/hockey/bocce type games. You know, the one with the round metal discs that you slide down the lane and try to knock your opponents out of the high score area. Usually the lane is covered in a granulated wax. It was fun. Oh, there's an article from the Free Press about the bar here.
• Comcast On Demand - A whole new world has opened up for me. This would have happened sooner if the previous cable guy would have been a little more talkative. It probably would've helped if he could have given us the manual for On Demand, too. Now that I think of it, maybe if he could've shut off his goddamned cell phone for five minutes, he would've remembered to tell us about this. Cheers to yesterday's cable guy Chris. I've now seen the entire current season of "Entourage" as well as random music videos that I would normally never see on MTV2, and I can pause, fast forward, or rewind as I please. I can even stop and save a program for later! I had no idea.
• Dell Optiplex - I got a new computer at work. Finally, I can listen to music and it sounds decent. Also, I now have XP! I can left click on a taskbar item to open or close it. Life just got easier by a couple of increments.
• Six Feet Under - This original HBO series is proof that a TV series can still be entertaining, dramatic, emotional, and pioneering. I wish this wasn't the last season, I just discovered the show. You can read more about it on this HBO site.
• Wikipedia - If you're not already aware, Wikipedia is a massive online encyclopedia. The cool thing is that it can be edited and added to by anyone online. This means that there is constant new information, and enough users to check the info to make sure its correct. Also, each entry has many links to related topics. I could read this site all freakin' day. I love it.

THE BAD

• Money - I hate it. Period. I wish we could live in a world based more on the barter system. I'll trade you a mixed CD for a pack of cigarettes, okay?
• King Fahd - Saudi Arabia's King Fahd died on August 1st. This caused oil prices to rise? Why? Saudi Arabia is the world's biggest exporter of crude oil, this much is true. His death was thought to pose a possible threat to American/Saudi business relationships. But it didn't yet, and oil prices still went up. Oil futures and speculation is a fucking ridiculous affair. The output was not diminished, the working relationship (in the end) was not threatened, yet I still had to pay $2.52 a gallon for the cheap stuff a few days ago, and then $2.45 yesterday. Ri-goddamned-diculous. Oh, and King Abdullah has taken over the throne, and (apparently) all is well in the kingdom of the Arabian peninsula. But oil is still $64 a barrel.
• Work (or lack of) - Detroit's job market is so pathetic. Something has to change. Oh, I know, let's open up as many bars and restaurants as possible. Let's do what Royal Oak did, build lots of bars, restaurants, and lofts. Who needs businesses? I would think it would be a good idea to lure big corporations to Detroit because it would increase the tax base, and create more jobs in a market that's bone-dry right now, right?

THE WEIRD

• Macrobiotic lies - This came up in conversation a couple days ago. First, its important to know that two of the most basic beliefs of the macrobiotic diet are that you shouldn't eat anything processed, and you should only eat food native to the area you live in. There are some exceptions like if you have lived most of your life in a tropical area, but now live in Detroit, its okay to eat bananas, but over time you should eliminate them from your diet. So, I was telling my friend about this girl I knew who claimed to be macrobiotic. She had all kinds of books about it, and would talk (read: preach) about it all the frickin' time. But, she craved candy. No, not totally organic vegan bullshit, but highly processed, corn syrup-laden candy like licorice and Runts and crap like that. People, gummi worms are not native to Southeast Michigan. Hypocrites bother me.
• Dreamlife of nerds - Starting a couple years ago, I was dreaming in Windows (NT in particular, but occasionally XP). I would have dreams where I would have to minimize or maximize windows to see something or go somewhere. Then it turned into HTML, and I would be adding tags to make things bold or italicized for emphasis. Hyperlinks would be inserted to take me where I needed to go. Now, it gets even weirder, I'm dreaming in Photoshop. Polygonal lassos outline the shapes of things to come. I merge visible layers when I'm all done. Free transform is used to make turns. When that happens, I'm rotating my surroundings and I continue moving forward without turning. Is this odd?
• Beer and Peppers - Its true, beer really does help put out the fire of hot peppers in your mouth. Milk is supposed to be good, too, but there was none in sight, and I won't drink that feelthy cow-juice anyway. Note to self: raw jalapenos are much hotter than cooked ones. I don't know how I could've forgotten that. The cream cheese was so deceiving, and of little help.

Jet Black, Stone Cold

As Lennon/Lenin Roll In Their Graves...

...I assure you this is completely real:

This line of products were featured in the ProBush newsletter from the week of July 19th. I am thoroughly disgusted.

Stone Free

Last Saturday I was DJing, and I pulled out the most recent Roots album. I was listening to it through the headphones, trying to find a good track that would fit with whatever was playing at the time. One of the first tracks on it is called "Star." They heavily sample the song "Everybody Is A Star" from Sly & the Family Stone. Instead of playing the Roots, I ended up taking it out and putting in "Family Affair" from There's a Riot Goin' On from Sly.

I've always been fascinated by that band. It's soul and funk and rock and something never duplicated. Some people define the history of soul as pre-Sly & the Family Stone and post-Sly & the Family Stone.

Sly's real name is Sylvester Stewart. Early on, Sly and his brother Freddie combined their two bands (Sly & the Stoners and Freddie & the Stone Souls) in 1967 to form Sly & the Family Stone. They were the first major American rock band to have a multicultural lineup featuring men and women in key instrumental roles.

From 1967 to 1975 the band was pivotal in the development of soul, funk, and psychedelia. Along with the Chambers Brothers, they were the origin of psychedelic funk. They recorded five top ten hits, and four groundbreaking albums, which were a major influence on American pop and rock music.

In the '70s, the band's sound switched to a grittier drug-influenced funk. This is especially evident on the album "There's a Riot Goin' On." At that time, Sly was getting into cocaine and PCP a little too much, you could say. He was getting very jaded and bitter about the state of the world. By 1975, the band fell apart due to various problems including heavy drug use. Sly continued to record solo albums under the name Sly & the Family Stone until 1987 when he was arrested for possession of cocaine. After his release, Sly became reclusive. He stays at his home near Beverly Hills, where he lives with two female assistants and records in his home studio. Apparently in the late 1990s, he sported a blonde mohawk. Sounds like he was hangin' with the guys from Fishbone. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.

I'll be honest, before I got curious, I really thought that Sly Stone died in the late '70s from a drug overdose. I don't think I ever heard or read it, I just assumed. Maybe because he's been so reclusive and I figured that if he were still alive, he' still be recording or at least somewhat in the public eye. Shit, George Clinton barely bothers to hide his proclivities toward smokin' rocks, so I figured Sly would be out around town, too.

Losing California

No idea who wrote this...it just showed up in my email inbox:

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

Pay No Mind To Us, We're Just a Minor Threat

Boredom consumed me yesterday. I intended to write stuff here, but then I came across something interesting. While reading memepool.com, I saw a post about a site that sounded like something I could waste a lot of time reading.

So, I went to Waiter Rant. There, I found what at first just seemed to be a waiter's typical complaints about customers. Having been a host, bartender, barback, and line cook, I figured I could relate. Some of the stories are really funny, some are a little too serious, and some are just downright shocking. After reading most of the archives, I found a common thread. This guy gets people. The stories about annoying or touching customer experiences are expected. But, his understanding of the psychology of the situations is what's so intriguing for me. You should go read it, especially if you've ever worked in a bar or restaurant.