Overheard in Detroit

"I'm not on the Stem-Fast Diet anymore." - a former junky

"I was staring out over the Adriatic Sea at sunset with this guy who barely spoke English eating me out at every park bench all the way back to the hotel..." - the same ex-addict as above

Okay, so it wasn't overheard, she was sitting right across from me at the restaurant. I wish it would've been busier in there so we could've seen people's reactions. At some point, someone sitting next to me proved how truly un-pourable Heinz's "Pourable Mustard" really is. I had to tap the '57' to get it to start pouring into his mouth.