Next Wave/Wake Up

Okay, I just watched the movie Garden State. Finally. I think that may have been a bad idea. In the same way that it would be a bad idea for me to sit down and watch Lost in Translation and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

My friends are turning 30, and soon I will too. They all own houses, or at least they're talking about wanting to own a house. Some have kids, or worry about it. Yesterday at the grocery store, I was buying beer, and the cashier noticed on my ID that I'm almost 30. He said it's a good age because you spend your 20s doing a lot of stupid shit and having fun, but by the time you're 30, you know how to have a good time without doing the stupid shit, and you're still young.

Wow, two paragraphs into it, and this already sounds like a self-serving livejournal entry. No apologies.

I wish I couldn't see through people. I wish I could feel like I don't know what everyone's all about. I wish I could just stop and not have an explanation for everything. I don't want it to be so simple, because it really isn't. I want to be less contrived, even though I'm doing it right now. I need spontaneity.

Right now, I'm seeing patterns where there are none. I wish my brain wouldn't do that. Okay, I always see patterns that aren't really there, but right now, I do happen to be staring at the stucco ceiling in this room, and at first, it looks like the ridges of plaster form concentric circles starting at the middle. But then I look again, and there really isn't a pattern. Somewhere in there is a metaphor for how I go through life, but I'm not sure what it is.

Okay, maybe there really is something in that stucco ceiling. I just got lost in it for about five minutes.

I wish I could make this stop. No more introspection, no more self-analysis. I need more accidents. More serendipity.