время теперь

December 8, 2004. My world turned upside down on that day, and I think maybe I should start doing something that will ground me a little bit. Posting on this site for the first time in a couple weeks might help. I have so many late bills, piled-up laundry, I've been eating like crap, smoking enough to prop up the economy of the state of Virginia, and I may have contributed to the latest raise for the employees at the 7 Bow Street Distillery in Dublin.

Soon after the second funeral in a week, I heard the song "Fake Plastic Trees" from Radiohead. Since then, I've acquired all of their albums, and I've decided that they are fucking genius. I already knew that, but I didn't really know that until now. My appreciation for Billy Bragg, the socialist poet and songwriter has also grown. The film "Donnie Darko" depresses me to no end, and I don't think I can watch it anymore. Mysterious catalogs for DNA/cloning research supplies keep arriving at the house...addressed to a friend who is no longer of this earth. The study of physics and the madness it can bring about suddenly hold infinite interest for me.

People I once barely knew are now close to me. My extended family has grown beyond my friends to include my friends' families. Lost and unrequited love were something I once feared, but now appreciate more than ever. My opinion of 'the beyond' and what happens when we die is different. The constants in my life are no longer constant, or at least I don't think I should view them that way anymore. This feels like re-birth. Like all the philosophy, theology, science and religion I've ever read about in my life suddenly have new meaning. I want to cry, but the tears don't come. I'm sure they will in time.