It's Time to Testify

This is the first in the series Adventures in Rock, which will not be told in chronological order.

Many of you may not realize this, but there is a fervent and impassioned rock and roll scene in Scandinavia. Especially in Norway and Sweden. I'm not talking about that black metal bullshit, I'm talkin' 'bout real balls to the wall rock n roll. The standouts are the Hellacopters, Gluecifer, Turbonegro, the Flaming Sideburns, and the Backyard Babies.

A few years ago, my roommate Mike and our friend Eli and I went on a road trip to Chicago to see Gluecifer play. At that time, they had only played a handful of shows in America, and this tour wasn't going to Detroit. Of course we were driving five hours to see them. Why wouldn't we? Mike had just gotten a 'new' car. New to him, anyway. It was a late '80s Buick sedan. I think at least two hours of the trip on 94 involved us going 80 MPH in a blinding rainstorm. I still don't know how we're alive. But we got there in record time, so that's a good thing.

We went straight to the neighborhood of the show. It was at the second Lounge Ax, which was on Lincoln (it has closed since then)(this one was owned by Jeff Tweedy's wife). Our first act while in Chicago on that trip was to go sit down in a bar and have a beer (at 4pm). This set the tone for the whole night. We went and found a hotel, then walked back up to the area where the venue was. The other bands playing that night were the Gaza Strippers and Easy Action. Luckily, Easy Action are from Detroit, and Eli knows Harold, so we found him, and got on the guest list. Then we went in search of more pre-show drinks. If you've ever been there, you know the bars in Lincoln Park in Chicago are lame. Sports bars, all of 'em. We finally picked a lesser of ten evils, and walked into some bar that was all about U of M sports. Then we ran into two acquaintances from Detroit.

Surprise, surprise, we actually know these women. Becky and Jill were regulars at the Garden Bowl, where Mike and I worked at the time. So, we eventually left that bar together and went back to Lounge Ax. That was the night that I learned how much Chicagoans like Maker's Mark bourbon.

(most bars have a 'well' where they keep the most popular liquors like Jack Daniels and Absolut and then also the really cheap liquors - in Chicago, Maker's Mark is in that well. It's not like that in Detroit)

I quickly learned that just like any other rock n' roll bar I've been to, tipping well on your first few drinks will help you greatly in your not too distant future. Mike and Eli loaded up on Labatt's Blue, while I started in on the Maker's and Coke. Lounge Ax was a really cool bar. It was long with the bar running along the side. Across from the bar, there was an elevated area that had nasty couches (where of course you end up sprawled later when you're too drunk to care). The very end of the room had the stage and an area in front of it. While waiting for the show to start, we met three guys who were all wearing the same Hellacopters T-shirt. They drove in from Phoenix! Apparently, they were following the band for a few shows, because Gluecifer wasn't playing many dates in the West.

That night, Easy Action put on one of the best shows I've ever seen from them. Covers included "If There Is Something" from Roxy Music and "Desperado" from Alice Cooper. Singer John Brannon sings with an effects pedal on his mic, so he sounds menacing as hell. He sounds like pure evil, in fact. The Gaza Strippers played next, they were alright that night, but I've seen better shows from them since then. During their set, I stepped outside (by this time, I probably had about a pint and a half of bourbon in me). Outside, I met Steve Albini (Big Black, Shellac) and David Yow (Jesus Lizard, Scratch Acid) who were wondering what this Gluecifer thing was all about. I wanted to tell them, but I felt that my inebriation would hinder me from bringing forth my occasional bouts of eloquence regarding music.

Gluecifer comes onstage finally. Mike and Eli are double-fisted with Labatt's Blue, I've got my Maker's and Coke. All is right with the world. They go through all the hits, everyone's happy. Yes, they have hits, as far as fanboys like us are concerned. After what seems like only a few songs, but was actually over an hour, they finish up. The Lounge Ax was a 3am bar. So...Jill and Becky talk us into going to Delilah's with them, which is also a 3am bar. Keep in mind at this time it's only about 2:30am. Eli and I were all about it, but Mike was tired. For reasons still unknown to the five of us, a decision was made that Mike will drive. This was Mike's first time in Chicago. He was also so drunk he could barely talk. The rest of us were in no better shape, but we had been to Chicago before. So, he drives, and we make it to Delilah's, which wasn't too bad, because it's just up the street from Lounge Ax.

It seemed like we were only there for a few minutes before they were yelling out last call (okay, it was only a few minutes). Mike and Eli and I were told by the girls that this place was a lot like the Garden Bowl in Detroit. More like it wished it was. It was all perfect and clean looking. All of the people looked like they just stepped outta Hot Topic at the mall. I didn't like it all that much. So, eventually we left.

Yet again, Mike is charged with driving. I have no idea what bar we were trying to find, but apparently, it was downtown and open til 4am. We drove around forever. Totally lost. Asked a few people walking by if they knew where this place was. No one knew, Mike was getting pissed, everyone was yelling. Looking back it was really funny, but no one was laughing then. Finally, we find something and it's down in a basement. Of course it had a wide staircase of very short steps going down to the basement where this bar was. I don't know what it was, but there was a wedding party of some sort going on, and one wall was all mirrors, so in my severly intoxicated state, the room seemed a lot bigger than it really was. I remember the last drink I ordered was a Jim Beam and Coke and I looked at my watch which said 4:30am. Where the hell were we? What was going on? How was I ordering a drink long after the legal last call time? I don't know.

Like every other rock n' roll roadtrip I've been on, I spent a minimum of time in the hotel. I don't even know how or if I slept or how I got up in time for checkout at noon. All I know is that I witnessed one savage night of rock 'n' roll debauchery.


I'm a rock n roll asshole...