Ladies, Ladies, Ladies!

(Another contribution from our guest writer Dick Ivy. This is a review of last night's Suicide Girls Burlesque Show at the Magic Stick in Detroit)

the suicide girls...

13-feb-2004: the suicide girls burlesque show - the magic stick

well, well. many of those who attended the suicide girls burlesque show last night seem to feel slighted somehow. i, however must disagree. i can't remember the last time i actually paid for a show, let alone enjoyed it so much. granted, the opening bands sucked ass, but that's not what i paid for. noone except those in front got to see what they really came for apparently, but i was lucky enough to have my brother joe there to put me up on his shoulders for about 15 minutes. i got to see what everyone else wished they could've seen with a bird's eye view. the small-chested electrical tape goodness that is the majority of the suicide girls experience. i happen to be an advocate for the small breasted woman, the opposite of most every other male that i know. i very much prefer it, as a matter of fact. i had an absolutely fabulous time. who would dare fuck with myself or joe lampinen in the magic stick, you ask? a couple of fat skinheads who obviously didn't know that they were throwing shit at my head in my own bar, that's who. maybe you should move your cow of a girlfriend out of your line of sight before getting pissed at me. i did what i could to try and get them to fight, but they were obviously giant pussies. intimidated by the short skinny guy that would have beaten the ben shermans right off of their hairy backs. i was in the mood to fight, too. what a shame. i'm a bit disappointed that i wasn't able to meet elara or tekky, my favorite suicide girls, but elara always seemed to be busy, according to brandy, and i didn't see tekky at all. brandy, by the way is very sweet, and has a sweetass tattoo of some huge butterfly wings on her back. i really don't understand what there was to complain about, possibly the boobs weren't big enough for some, or maybe they just couldn't see. i guess since i really haven't gotten any "action" in about a year, i may have enjoyed it more than most, but that is just sad, and we should leave that subject alone. i am not one who is much for the objectification of women, but this was an event that everyone enjoyed, male and female. we all enjoyed being objectified. i would have actually liked to have been more objectified, but alas... i should stop using that word because it is starting to sound stupid. i also got to see some people last night that i haven't seen in quite a while, and who i miss terribly, which was also a plus. this was a great time, and anyone who would contest that fact surely gets laid too much. good for you. and fuck you, as well.