I'll Keep You Warm in Hell

This may turn into a long rant. If you're looking for concert listings, something political, funny, or music-related, you might want to skip this one - it's going beyond those things.

I know I've talked about this before, but I want to go a little deeper into the Friendster/MySpace/friend phenomenon. First, I think that the popularity of the sites fits in nicely with the theory of urban tribes. Rather than settle down into traditional families, we and our friends have formed an Urban Tribe -- an intricate community of young people who live and work together in various combinations, form regular rituals, and provide the support of an extended family.

Friend sites provide us with an opportunity to expand that family. Or do they? It seems that too many people view the sites as an opportunity to be the popular kid from high school all over again. If someone I don't know messages me and wants to be my friend and they have hundreds of friends whom I don't know, I'm denying access. I hated the popular kids in high school, and I still hate them now. Of course, now when they run into me, they act like we've always been close. What is that? I think I know. They always seem happy to see me, because they realize that I got out when I could. I'm single, I've never been married, and I don't have any kids. Half the people I graduated with are married/divorced/parents, and they feel like they've 'wasted' their lives. Of course, this is bullshit, life is what you make of it. So, back to the point, I'm all about meeting new people on the friend sites, but only if we have mutual friends or interests. I lost interest in baseball card collecting when I was 9, why would I want to collect and trade 'friends' like that?

These sites have also forced us to redefine and re-examine our friendships. How many of us truly know what it means to be a friend? It's easy to say that you do know, but do you really? The word 'friend' is about as vague as the word 'love' to me. Plus, friends come and go. Which ones do we keep, and why? To what extent are we willing to keep contact with friends who have moved away, or are in situations that keep them from being around?

There are only five friends from high school whom I speak to on a regular or semi-regular basis. I can't say they're the only ones worth keeping contact with, but I can only spread myself so thin before I break. I've kept these friends because they are worth my time. They make compromises in their lives to keep contact with me, and I do the same. These are friends who have come and gone, but we always find each other again. We can't stay away from each other - that's why we're friends.

Another prevalent issue for people around my age (21-35) is new versus old friends. Would you leave yourself open like a book to just anyone? No, you wouldn't. You're open with your friends, regardless of when you met them, or how long you've known them. Keeping friends is work. You need to keep a balance. Compromises must be made if you truly care about someone.

That sums up my rant for the day. Friends are people who care about each other and make compromises for each other. It can be more, but it should never be less.

ADDENDUM:
For the most part, friends should also be able to accept who you are, even if you've changed over the years. If they can't accept it, why are you friends with them? This ties up a loose end concerning the old friends versus new friends argument. If your old friends don't like what you've become, then fuck 'em. You don't need them. People don't change, they evolve. If your friends are in the here and now, and are there for you, they're all you need.


(For anyone out there wondering, this isn't entirely about me, only partially)


END RANT