Good Good Things

It was 1990 when I was 14. In a small bedroom in the Kewadhin Apartment Complex on campus at Central Michigan University in Mt. Pleasant, MI, the Bassmaster General spoke to me. On that day, I committed to the All-O-Gistics.

Here is my interpretation and feelings regarding the holiest of scriptures to a fourteen-year-old punk kid:

Thou shalt not commit laundry
-I didn't have a choice in the matter, my mom washed my clothes, like it or not. And I was never much of an outdoors type of kid, so my clothes didn't get all nasty or anything. Clothes don't get very dirty when you spend most of your free time watching standup comedy on TV.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's food
-I stuck by this one, didn't see why it mattered, but I stuck by it. My neighbors had all kinds of interesting food that smelled weird. But I never asked what it was. Now I know it was curry.

Thou shalt not create ties with the scathed
-I wasn't sure what that meant, but I tried my best. By 'my best' I mean I stayed away from the 'Farmers', who were all shunned for some reason.

Thou shalt always go for greatness
-At fourteen I wasn't focused enough to do this. Actually, maybe I was. I had yet to realize that mixtapes with Ministry and New Order weren't going to win over any girl around there. As much as I thought it was really good, the ladies did not.

Thou shalt not commit adulthood
-This was a difficult one in my situation at fourteen. Latchkey kid. Had to 'grow up' quick.

Thou shalt not partake of Decaf
-My coffee addiction was still a few years away at this point. But I would get pissed when my mom would buy decaf for the sun tea that she always made.

Thou shalt not suppress flatulence
-Ummm...yeah. I denied this commandment of the All-O-Gistics.

Thou shalt commit thyself to an institution
-Same with this one. As much as I wanted therapy, my mom wouldn't send me.

Thou shalt not have no idea
-I was a Boy Scout, always prepared. And always having an idea.

Thou shalt not commit hygiene
-Same as the flatulence commandment, I had to deny this one, too.

Thou shalt not take the van's name in vain
-My mom never named her mini-van.

Thou shalt not allow anything to deter you in your quest for all
-College frat-guys always deterred me in my quest for riding my bike across town without having to take Mission. Bastards.

Okay, here is my take on the All-O-Gistics at the age of 30, in the year 2006:

Thou shalt not commit laundry
-I commit laundry at least once a week, less often when I didn't live in a place with a washer and dryer.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's food
-Now I covet the BBQ I can smell my neighbors cooking down the street. I still covet curry, but not as much.

Thou shalt not create ties with the scathed
-I've found that you can learn a lot from the scathed. I also figured out what it meant: someone who's damaged. Imperfect articles are often the most interesting.

Thou shalt always go for greatness
-JobSearch06 is all about the quest for greatness. What do you do for a living? Know of any openings? Leave a comment, the search is on!

Thou shalt not commit adulthood
-Too late, I have forsaken the Bassmaster General. It seems to have happened somewhere between acquiring five figures of debt on my student loans, leasing a car, and standing up and doing something in several situations where I would've backed down in the past.

Thou shalt not partake of Decaf
-NEVER. Ever. Nerver. Neeven Voggen!

Thou shalt not suppress flatulence
-Always. Yet again, I've forsaken my master.

Thou shalt commit thyself to an institution
-No interest in therapy anymore. Can you ever forgive me, your emminence?

Thou shalt not have no idea
-While I know that I really don't know it all, I sound like it sometimes. Because I always have an idea.

Thou shalt not commit hygiene
-I'll burn in hell. I commit hygiene several times a day.

Thou shalt not take the van's name in vain
-Somewhere in a (junkyard) galaxy far, far away, the Millenium Falcon rusts in peace. Mike Stanley's Astro Mini Van was one scary piece of scrap metal. I think the backseat was just a frame...

Thou shalt not allow anything to deter you in your quest for all
-Not anymore. JobSearch06 continues!

So, as you can see, times have changed. The All-O-Gistics are about halfway relevant to me. I never really looked at them as a way to live, just a funny song about a fake religion. The Descendents probably came up with those lyrics when tweeking hard on coffee while hanging out in their practice space in a basement after being up for three days straight. They weren't even twenty when they wrote that song. And they lived in Southern California. Oh, and it was the early '80s. Four things that I couldn't relate to by the time I heard the song. Well, I did live in Southern California in the early '80s, but I was five, I don't remember much.