...when you start drowning in an open tab, and your judgement's on the brink

Argh.  Can anyone out there say malaise, boys and girls?  This is what I'm feeling.  Since 9:30pm last night (Sunday), I have only had three cigarettes.  This....is because I have quit smoking.  I've been a smoker ever since that one day in 1993, when I was out with my friend Ray, and I actually said, "hey, let's go to 7-11 and get some cigarettes, I wanna try that."  Seriously.  I actually said that.   So, I got a pack of Pall Malls, because that's what I remember my dad smoking, and I liked the smell of the smoke when I was little.  Of course, I gagged and coughed the first time I lit up.  I think it wasn't until about ten cigarettes, and about a week later before the first time that I actually inhaled properly.  Cigarette buzz....ahhhhhh.  I haven't had that feeling in a real long time.  This is so hard.  I've said "I'm quitting" a million times, only to wake up the next morning, drive straight to the gas station and buy a pack.  Or, I've been in the car and just got so sick of it, that I tossed a pack out the window.  That's been happening ever since the first week, up until just last month.  Yet, here I sit smoke free right now, so that's good.  I suppose it doesn't help that I've had some things going on in my life lately that would normally make me want to smoke: nerves, stress, anxiety, hating work, anxiety...but I guess all that's just part of quitting right?  Whatever.  I want to try to stop taking years off my life, I want my sense of smell, I want to taste food for real.  There's so much food I've never tasted without being a smoker.  I think I might have a perpetual sinus infection, too, this might help stop that.  A friend who quit just last week told me that she felt like she just came out of a twelve-year fog by quitting...she's been walking around her house smelling everything, because she's never really known how things smelled until now.  I want that.  That, and I'm sure socially, some things could change, too.  Women who don't smoke seem to not want to date men who do.